Taming Teen Tantrums
Are tantrums just for toddlers? No way! Teen tantrums are just as real and can be even more unsightly and unpleasant than your two year old rolling around on the ground scream crying.
Not convinced? Consider that a toddler tantrum involves three distinct parts:
· - The trigger (or when things don’t go their way)
· - The actual tantrum (think the ugly part)
· - The calm down (the part where the child calms down)
Each stage is important and provides an opportunity for a parent to guide healthy behavior. These three stages may look a little different in toddlers and teens but the principles are really just the same.
For example, when your child presents you with a plan that seems absolutely fantastic to them but leaves you no parental wiggle room other than to pull a hard “no”.
Is the reaction you get from your teen that different than that of a toddler? Probably not, but it may be even worse. A teen tantrum may include, not just yelling and screaming, but also can be louder, stronger, and can include disrespect, aloofness, or sarcasm. The older the child, the more likely they are to hold onto their anger longer.
Whether the tantrum is from a teen or toddler the parental reaction needs to be the same-NO REWARD. During tantrums, the most important element that determines if the child will repeat a tantrum is whether they found the outburst satisfying. Think-did they get something they want? Here are a few tips to manage these older tantrums:
1. Remain calm. The most powerful tool in our parent toolbox is to refuse to escalate with your child when they are upset. Kids know how to push our buttons and know that if you get upset, off-topic, or frustrated, you might back down and thus they are more likely to get what they want. Plus, remaining calm sends a clear message that you are the one in charge.
2. Don’t back down. You’re the parent and if you have decided the answer has to be no, then stick with it. They may argue, beg or even complain that you are the worst parent ever. That’s ok. They are just angry. Just stick with your decision. It sends a message to your kids that you are confident in your parenting.
3. Don’t take it personally. Kids are mad when they tantrum. No matter what they say or do remind yourself that you love them, and together you can through anything. No need to feel hurt or angry.
4. Process thru the event when your child has fully calmed down. Teens are old enough to hear your feedback and explanation as to why you had to say no. They may disagree but should be informed of how you feel. This is also a good time to process through their needs and wants. Teens need to know that we do care about their opinions even if we don’t agree.
