Having a baby is a beautiful thing. However, for big brother or sister, it might not feel like this right off the bat. Often the older siblings can be confused and may exhibit a variety of adjustment behaviors when the new baby arrives in the home. You might notice that your older children may be more irritable or emotional, defiant, regressive (returning to behaviors of a younger stage), or even seem like they do not want the new baby in the home at all.
These reactions are really quite normal and are just indicative of a child struggling to understand the change in the family dynamic. Most often children grow to respond to the new baby in healthy ways over time. If you want to speed up this process or help your older child feel less kicked off the pedestal, consider these tips:
1. Start Early. Don’t wait until the baby comes home to begin the adjustment. Encourage your little one to talk, read or sing to the baby while still in your tummy. If the new baby will necessitate your older child to move to a new room, make the move an exciting happy process to allow plenty of time for the older child to get comfortable in their new digs.
2. Answer Questions. As a parent, you can often anticipate the questions that may arise, but be prepared to answer any and all questions no matter how off the wall. Usually, these types of questions give you a little peek into their insecurities and give you an opportunity to reassure. So, if they ask, “Can he be returned?” or “What if Grandma hates him?” Just answer away and know that each response helps them get more and more secure.
3. Let them know it is going to be great and they’re going be the best big sibling ever! Trust your instincts here and just repeat over and over a healthy happy message. Studies show that repeating messages help kids set ideas. When the baby arrives, pour on the praise! Praise the heck out of any sweet big sibling behaviors you see.
4. Avoid disciplining negative feelings. It works much better to let your child know that it is ok to feel this way. Just assure them it will get better, and let them know you love them just as much as you did before the new baby.
