Asking for Help During Burnout
Society has socialized moms to believe they can handle everything all by themselves. There’s a pretty good chance you’ve seen coffee mugs or shirts emblazoned with a phrase similar to “Super Mom” or “Momming is My Superpower.” I’m here to tell you to knock it off right now. While moms certainly are super and can do it all without batting an eye, it’s high time we stop the expectation that this is how it has to be.
Moms who carry the weight of all the responsibilities are more likely to experience burnout because there is never a break from the tasks that need to be accomplished. Social media is a breeding ground for telling moms they can do it all and then some while maintaining a perfect home and a perfect relationship. The reality is motherhood is messy and it doesn’t have to be perfect. We need to shed that belief in order to take the first step towards feeling less burned out.
One of the big problems with striving for perfection in motherhood is that it feels like it should be a solo adventure. As long as everything is completed by the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how you’re feeling inside. Over time, that sadness or anger or resentment you might feel from doing everything yourself begins to feel overwhelming and burnout washes over you. Many times, partners and loved ones will admit they had no idea the mom was feeling badly because they never said anything until it was too late. Asking for help with everyday tasks does not make you weak or less of a mom. It allows you to stay within your bandwidth of capacity to do things better, be a great parent for your kids, and even have some time for yourself.
Asking for help can be hard, but all you have to do is start small. By simply using your voice and letting them know you’re struggling, you’re already headed in the right direction. Try saying things like, “It’s really hard for me to get dinner ready each night. Can you please help me?” By starting a conversation with how you’re feeling, you’re letting the other person know what you’re thinking. The incredible thing about us is we expect people to be able to read our minds when we’re feeling sad or overwhelmed, but they in fact do not possess those powers. Having open communication and letting them know how you feel about certain things can help reduce the feeling of burnout.
Of course there will be times when your partner or loved one isn’t listening or hearing you accurately. Here’s what to do in those instances. If they aren’t listening because they are distracted, calmly ask them to pause whatever they’re engaged in and listen to you. Let them know you need to tell them something important and you want them to give you their full attention. This lets them know this conversation is a priority for you and you want their participation in it. If you have a partner or loved one who likes to offer solutions rather than listening, gently remind them that you just want them to hear what you’re saying first. Many times people who are problem solvers can jump to conclusions without fully hearing the issue. Redirect them to focus on your words and then if you feel it is appropriate, discuss solutions to the problem.
Taking these steps towards avoiding burnout should help to lighten your load and lean into your support systems. To learn more about support systems and why they’re so important, check out our workbook, “A Mom’s Guide to Building Connection,” which is available now!
